Movie Review: Pan's Labyrinth

Julian and I made one of our infrequent trips to the movie theatre again yesterday. Julain wanted to see a movie called Pan's Labyrinth, and since I knew it was by Guillermo del Toro (the director of Hellboy, I said Okay and off we went. The official movie description goes like this:

Set against the bloody backdrop of the Spanish civil war, 10-year-old Ofelia is sent to an isolated mansion with her heavily pregnant mother. Lonely and intimidated by her new stepfather, Ofelia discovers an overgrown labyrinth where she meets Pan, an ancient satyr. Fascinated by fairy tales, Ofelia is captivated by Pan and his stories of the fairy world. However, when her mother falls ill, Ofelia makes a pact with Pan in order to save her. In exchange, Ofelia must undertake three challenges to prove her worth. These challenges take her on a journey to another world.

The first surprise is that the movie is done completely in Spanish -- we had no idea of this when we entered the theatre. Fortunately, it's subtitled well into English, and having lived the last 18 years with a French wife who loves subtitled movies, I've learned to make-do with subtitles. But if you've never seen a sub-titled movie, this is the one to start this. The story line is so compelling you forget the sub-titles even exist fairly quicly. In fact, when I wrote the first draft of this review I had to be reminded of this by Julian -- I'd completely forgotten. The movie is alternately an ultra-realistic documentary of the brutality of the Spanish Civil War, as well as a beguiling fantasy on the level of The Lord of the Rings. (Well,okay -- I don't know if anything is quite on the level of LOTR; but it's realism and seamless imagery are certainly at that level.)

Ofelia is a young pre-pubescent girl who finds herself in the difficult position of having a new stepfather. The fact that the new stepfather is the captain of one of Franco's fascist brigades stationed far from the city where she grew up doesn't help matters; nor does the fact that he's a brutal, sadistic oppressor of the nationalist forces. There's a very brutal scene at the beginning of the movie where he shoots and bludgeons to death some rabbit hunters who happened to trespass into his area that very aptly demostrates this, but it's essential to showing just what an amoral bastard he truly is. While exploring this new "home" she discovers an ancient stone labyrinth behind the outpost where she meets Pan, an Faun who guards the labyrinth, awaiting the return of a lost princess.

Well, surprise -- Ofelia is the princess.

In order to be able to return to the kingdom of her father, she has to complete three tasks, including outwitting the monster pictured to the left, who has to be one of the creepiest things I've ever seen in a movie. Unfortunately, being a pre- teenage girl, she disobeys the instructions with tragic reults and loses her kingdom. At this point I almost despaired for Ofelia, seeing her condemned to live this tragic life with her cruel stepfather and dying mother. Yet Pan relents and gives her one more chance.

I won't reveal the ending, except to say that the Partisans attack; blood is drawn on both sides; the Captain is predictably cruel, and Ofelia gets her wish in the end, albeit in a particlarly tragic way. Yet I didn't feel sad at the movie's ending; just somewhere between numb and relieved the ordeal was finally over for Ofelia and that she was happy at last.

While a difficult movie to find (as of today it's only playing on 609 screens nationwide), it's a movie well worth seeing and well worth seeking out to see it. Interestingly, the movie is #6 at the Box Office this week with $4.8 million gross despite the low amount of screens. (The #5is The Pursuit of Happyness with 3,066 screens, and the #7 is Freedom Writers at 2,286 screens.) I have to give this my highest recommendation (A+), despite the limited release and foreign language content.

~~JD~~

Weather and Forecasts

We had a little excitement here last week in the form of an ice storm. South Texas seems to lose it's collective mind whenever cold weather comes calling, and this was no exception. The TV meteorologists immediately moved into Full Panic Mode, prompting native San Antonians to descend en masse on the local Wal-Mart to buy bottled water, fireplace logs, and canned goods. I personally was involved in a feeding-frenzy like furball of shoppers trying to get fireplace logs at our local Wal-Mart.

Naturally, Ariane and I pretty much ignored the doom-and gloom warnings. We've been through Chicago winters, after all. So when they started sending people home early Monday afternoon, I told them to send everyone else before me.

So they did, and I drove home at 5pm admiring the cars in the ditches, the backed up traffic, and the pretty red-and-blue lights lining the interstates. One thing about South Texas drivers; (a) they drive too fast, (b) they'd rather die than yield the right-of-way, and (c) they have no idea how to drive in inclement weather. The least little disruption from "clear skies and sunny" and there's accidents a-plenty!

So on my way home I stopped for the fireplace logs in the aforementioned "furball", and settled in for a long winter's nap. Ariane had to work Tuesday morning and they were already beginning to talk about closing the interstates overnight, so she went to stay with another employee who only lived a block away.

For the next two days I ended up being one of five employees (out of almost 40) who showed up for work. School was cancelled; the Interstates were closed; and I drove merrily to work, using the techniques I've learned over a lifetime of living in the North. By Thursday we were back to half-staff; and by Friday it was business as usual.

And, of course, today it's clear blue skies and beautiful weather; typical South Texas. (Sigh.)

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Meanwhile, it was confirmed Friday -- I'm having surgery Wednesday February 7th. I've got a small to moderate sized abdominal hernia that I seem to recall getting during one of our moves about 10-15 years ago. This is good in that most hernias are Inguinal (in the groin area) and more complicated) -- mine's relatively simple and straightforward.

I have my appointment with the anesthesiologist on January 30th to get final approval, but barring anything unexpected popping up, it's a done deal. I expect to be out of work that week and return to work the next Monday. It'll be my second surgery in my life if you count the Lasik on my eyes three years ago. However, it'll be the first time I've ever had actual General (completely out) anesthesia, so that's a little scary right there. And there's always the question of recovery times being as accurate as advertised, which is also scary. However, being stubborn as a damned mule is a great motivator, so that's in my favor.

I think.

~~JD~~

Why Fidel Castro is literally a Pain in the Ass

This is the latest as of today on Cuba's brutal communist dictator Fidel Castro; and one of the few articles that actually is specific enough to explain his recent appearance:

Cuban leader Fidel Castro in "very grave" condition- Spanish paper

El Pais said, "A grave infection in the large intestine, at least three failed operations and various complications have left the Cuban dictator, Fidel Castro, laid up with a very grave prognosis."

Ailing Cuban leader Fidel Castro is in "very grave" condition after three failed operations and complications from an intestinal infection known as diverticulitis, a Spanish newspaper said Tuesday.

The newspaper El Pais cited two unnamed sources from the Gregorio Marañon hospital in the Spanish capital of Madrid. The facility employs surgeon Jose Luis Garcia Sabrido, who flew to Cuba in December to treat the 80-year-old Castro.

In a report published on its Web site, El Pais said, "A grave infection in the large intestine, at least three failed operations and various complications have left the Cuban dictator, Fidel Castro, laid up with a very grave prognosis."

El Pais said that in December, when Garcia Sabrido visited, Castro had an abdominal wound that was leaking more than half a litre (1 pint) of fluids a day, causing "'a severe loss of nutrients." The Cuban leader was being fed intravenously, the report said.

On 26 July 2006, Castro celebrated Cuba's Revolution Day by attending a rally of party faithful. That was the last time Castro was seen in public.

Five days later, on July 31, 2006, Castro stunned the nation and the world when he announced he had undergone surgery and was provisionally ceding his powers as head of the government and the Communist Party to his brother Raul, five years younger, and for decades the nation's number 2.

At the end of that month, Castro underwent emergency intestinal surgery and his brother Raul Castro became acting leader of the country.

While Castro himself was not seen in public, video of him meeting his chief ally, Venezuelan leader Hugo Chavez, appeared on television while Chavez was on a trip to Havana for a meeting of the 14th Annual Non-Aligned Summit, which the Cuban leader was unable to attend. The then United Nations Secretary General Kofi Annan also visited Castro at the leader's home in the capital.

By the end of October 2006 the Cuban leader appeared on national television looking particularly frail after having undergone surgery. In November, Castro was unable to attend his own five-day 80th birthday celebrations, which he himself had postponed from August 13 to give him time to recover from surgery.

Castro's actual medical condition was kept a state secret, fuelling internal and external speculation as to his precise physical state. El Pais' report, which could not immediately be confirmed, was a rare detailed description from a major media outlet about Castro's condition.

I've been a nurse for 26 years. Let's talk about diverticulitis.

Diverticulitis is an inflamation of the small intestine, and a chronic condition -- meaning it has been going on most likely for years. A member of my family had this condition all of her adult life. The "end result" (please pardon the pun) is that you end up having extremely painful bowel movements every time you go number two. The symptoms of this disease involve extreme pain, cramping, uncontrollable gas, and BMs that are composed of largely blood and pieces of your own flesh from the intestines.

So while Castro has been a pain in the ass for Cuba for years, he's been a pain in his own ass for even longer. This also explains why he looks so angry much of the time and never smiles.

Peritonitis is a common complication of diverticulitis in older people. At some point he stopped having BMs of small pieces of his intestines and crapped a large enough piece to perforate through to his abdominal cavity, and his feces (caca) caused a small, gradual infection of his peritoneal lining of his abdomen. If the pain and cramping of diverticulitis is bad, the pain of peritonitis is a whole quantum leap forward from there. If you've ever seen an old western where the sidekick was "gut-shot," he had peritonitis and was dying horribly and slowly. It was not uncommon to give such a person a pistol to shoot themselves and put themselves out of their misery.

In many ways this is a far worse fate than cancer, where you lose your faculties towards the end. Peritonitis keeps you lucid and in excruciating pain right up to the end. In some cases you don't actually die of the infection, but or starvation, as the peritoneal lining is what absorbs nutrients from the intestines into the bloodstream.

So any way you look at it, Castro is dying painfully, horribly, and slowly. Truly there is justice in the universe. And if you believe in God as I do, it only gets better when he soon burns in hell slowly. I'm not shedding any tears when this Loser dies.

~~JD~~

We want SAWIN! We Want SAWIN! WE WANT SAWIN!!!

Mike Sawin, I know you're out there! I can see you peeking in from the "St. Cloud MN" notes on the sidebar, buddy. I know your blog hasn't been decently updated since August, and barely touched since October.

You've got friends who are worried about you, Mike. Call me -- let me know how things are going. If you need anything let me know, buddy. I'm worried.

(For those of you whom are not Mike Sawin, his blog is to be found on the right sidebar under the LEGENDS! area.

~~JD~~

Whatever Happened to the "Queen of Nice"?

Just a rhetorical question question, mind you . . . not that I'm speaking about any real figures; either living or dead. Think of this as a cautionary morality play. (And just in case you're wondering who the heck I'm talking about, click the enclosed links for hints.)

So, once upon a time there was a girl named ROSIE. She started out as a comedian, then worked her way into some movies. After that, she branched out into a Talk Show in 1996. She modeled herself after Mike Douglas, a beloved TV Talk show host of the 1960's and 1970's who was often noted for his being nice to his guests. Rosie, she decided, would be the "Queen of Nice."

She left her talk show in 2002 after 6 years, and took over Rebook magazine, which almost immediately failed in 2003. Rosie was sued by the magazine's publisher, claiming the magazine went under due to Rosie's "uncooperative, rude and violent behavior within the magazine's offices." One former employee of the magazine and breast cancer survivor who testified that O'Donnell said to her on the phone that "people who lie die of cancer."

Since that time Rosie has been the object of considerable controversry. She came out of the closet and "married" her longtime companion and adopted four children. She's been very vocal in criticizing anyone even remotely thought to b homophobic, like the incident with Kelly Ripa and Clay Aiken in September ohttp://www.michellemalkin.com/archives/006506.htmf 2006. In December she mimicked Chinese speech, drawing the ire of commentators such as Michelle Malkin, an ethnic Filipino. Later that same month she criticized Donald Trump for giving Miss America Tara Reiud a second chance while she goes to Rehab for drinking underage -- leading to a currently ongoing fued that has been both ongoing, personal, and volatile.

Which makes me wonder . . . whatever happened to the "Queen of Nice"?

Rosie was never known for her manners or gentility even before her talk show -- yet she suddenly remodeled herself into a "Nice" person. And, obviously, she has been nothing like a "Nice" person since then, either.

So, where you being a hypocrite then, Rosie? Or are you being a hypocrite now?

"People who lie die of cancer," Rosie? I hope you have good insurance, then.

~~JD~~

Restaurant Recommendation

Here's something you don't see me do everyday -- recommend a restaurant. There's a lot of good restaurants I really like, but they tend to fall into one of two categories; individual restaurants (in which case I'm wasting the time of 99.9% of my audience), and chains, which frequently are good, but not good enough to wholeheartedly recommend. Red Lobster restaurants are consistently good enough to eat at anywhere you go, and to recommend. So are Carrabba's Italian restaurants -- best Italian -- Ever.

The Islamorada Fish Company Restaurants are my new favorite as of this morning. They currently have 10 locations across the U.S. in Bass Pro Shops, and are soon to open their newest location in . . . Portage Indiana! (So all you Valpo folks can go check out that new Bass Pro Shop in the Ameriplex this spring and have dinner at the Islamorada Fish Company Restaurant.

Based on the Snack Bar in the Florida Keys made famous by Ernest Hemingway's writings, the restaurant features the kind of stuff you'd expect from a "Fish Restaurant: -- fish, shrimp, oysters, and calamari. But they offer it fried, baked, and deep fried, as well as raw on the shell. Their portions are reasonable if not ample; and the prices reasonable as well.

The menu runs the gamut for the outdoorsman with some of the most exotic fare you'll find in a restaurant anywhere, and certainly exotic for any chain. Calamari Fritti is hard to find outside of Italian or seafood places and hard to find then (it's one of my favorite foods, so I know whereof I speak here). But breaded and pan-fried alligator is downright impossible outisde of a few rare places in Florida. And the only place I've ever seen Buffalo Burgers was in the famous Wall Drug in Wall, South Dakota. They open the meal with a loaf of "Bimini Bread", which is a freshly-baked loaf with a sugar crust and real butter. The waiter said it was the only reason he worked there, and it was an excellent reason. I had the Buffalo Burger and Calamari, while Julian had the Conch Chowder and Mahi-Mahi and Ariane had the Grouper, and everything was absolutely delicious. For dessert I had the Key Lime pie from an original recipe from the Keys -- which was a bit weird for my tastes, but still very good.

(Note to my cousin Jon if Florida: they have two of these places in Florida and a third under construction -- it's worth the trip. The fish tank in the middle of the restaurant should keep the kids entertained through the meal, too.)

~~JD~~

A Short Rant About the Movies . . .

WARNING -- ONCOMING RANT!!! BATTEN THE HATCHES! HIDE THE WOMMENFOLK!!! SHELTER THE CATS AND DOG!!! FLEE FOR YOUR LIVES

I just finished a post (below) about some of the movies I've seen over Christmas, and it got me to thinking. As I was typing up that post, the movie Munich by Steven Spielberg was on HBO. It's a good movie; and I remember reading and enjoying the book it was based on. So, generally speaking, I like the movie Munich.

However, the movie always sticks out in my mind for three reasons. First, there's a fairly graphic sex scene at the beginning of the movie. Second, the assasination of the Dutch hooker/assasin with the full frontal nudity it involves. Third and finally, the very graphic sex scene at the end of the movie.

Since when did seeing a "Spielberg Movie" involve full frontal nudity and graphic sex?

This seems to be the new trned in Hollywood, unfortunately. Viggo mortenson and John hurt, two of my favorite actors, were in the recent A History of Violence. It's an excellent movie in which Mortenson plays an ex-hitman who has "retired" to the rural life. This is another movie that needs Oscar consideration, in my opinion.

But I wouldn't recommend it to you unless you can stomach both a graphic oral sex scene in the beginning of the movie as well as an equally graphic rape scen 2/3rds of the way through the film.

I suppose that just goes to show how deperately out-of-touch the Hollywood types are. If they think graphic sex is a necessary indgredient for a hit movie, that's a sad commentary.

I expected better of Spielberg, though -- but with the potty-mouths on those kids in E.T., I suppose I shouldn't be too surprised.

End of Rant -- return to your regularly scheduled lives now.

~~JD~~