Friday Evening; 1.8 Miles; And Flashbacks to "True Grit"

In case you've been wondering; I'm working the middle of a long stretch of 12+ hour shifts. Twelve hour day shifts (7am to 7pm) at a Long-term Care Facility (LTAC) yesterday and today; and tomorrow is 13 hours at the Dialysis Clinic (4am to 5pm) and then 12 hours at the the LTAC from 7pm Saturday to 7am Sunday morning.

Then church!

So, posting will be abbreviated until Sunday afternoon. My apologies.

So with all this time juggling Julian had to have my car to go to his Junior Prom tonight, so Ariane had to come pick me up after she got out of work downtown at the Dialysis Clinic (15 mile trip). So when I got done, I started walking from the LTAC to the Nursefinders office to drop off my paperwork.

So, I managed to work in a little Walk of 1.8 miles after work -- in 97 degree heat -- mostly uphill. Not a bad workout, really.

Then what to my wondering eyes should appear about halfway there then this:



A snake.

A BIG Goddamned snake!

A big goddamned snake two feet from my feet!

A big goddamned diamondback rattlesnake two feet from my feet!

Eeep!

When those seven rattles on his tail went off I jumped straight up into the air and screamed like a seven-year-old girl!

I took a movie, too:



At the time I thought I was taking a photo -- please excuse my ineptitude as I was busy peeing myself and whimpering to myself. Still, I'm astonished I managed to grow enough of a rudimentary spine to chase down the freakin' snake and take pictures, let alone movies.

The weird part is that this is the SECOND rattlesnake I've seen in two weeks. The first was a two-foot juvenile with no rattles at about 1am last Saturday in our own parking lot. (Julian witnessed that one -- it was too dark for the camera.)

Must be some kind of Texas thing.

I'm going to go lay down and whimper quietly now -- after checking the bed for snakes. . . .

~~JD~~

Friday's Feast!

Feast One Hundred & Ninety: May 9th, 2008.

Appetizer: When someone smiles at you, do you smile back?

Depends on why they're smiling. Not if my fly's down.

Soup: Describe the flooring in your home. Do you have carpet, hardwood, vinyl, a mix?

It's an apartment; carpet and linoleum. The last house we had was all hardwoods and ceramic tile. Our next one will be, too.

Salad: Write a sentence with only 5 words, but all of the words have to start with the first letter of your first name.

My actual name is unpronounceable and has no analogues in english.

Main Course: Do you know anyone whose life has been touched by adoption?

I have to be really drunk to talk about that. Another time.

Dessert: Name 2 blue things.

Blueberries, and my nursing scrubs (which I'm wearing right now.) Summers skies. Oceans. People who aren't breathing. Stained Glass. Pepsi bottles.

~~JD~~

"Angel" Harvey Dies at 92

From Wednesday's Robert Feder column in the Chicago Sun-Times:

Heartfelt condolences to Paul Harvey on the passing of his beloved wife and guiding light, Lynne "Angel" Harvey. More than his astute business partner and producer, she also was a pioneer for women in radio and an influential figure in her own right for decades.

Mrs. Harvey died of leukemia Saturday at their west suburban River Forest home. She was 92.Services will be at 1 p.m. today at Fourth Presbyterian Church of Chicago, 126 E. Chestnut.

This also from The Chicago Sun-Times:

Producer for radio legend husband dies
Hall of Fame inductee credited with Paul Harvey's success, created prototype for today's talk shows

May 4, 2008; BY MONIFA THOMAS Staff Reporter

She was the angel by his side.

That's how legendary radio broadcaster Paul Harvey often described his wife, business partner and producer of more than 60 years, Lynne "Angel" Harvey.

Lynne Harvey died Saturday in the Harveys' River Forest home after a yearlong battle with leukemia.

Mrs. Harvey was the first producer to be inducted into the Radio Hall of Fame, in 1997. She is also credited with helping turn her husband into one of the biggest success stories in broadcast history.

"She was to Paul Harvey what Colonel Parker was to Elvis Presley," said Bruce DuMont, founder of the Museum of Broadcast Communications. "She really put him on track to have the phenomenal career that his career has been."
'Love at first sight'

Born Lynne Cooper, Mrs. Harvey was a Phi Beta Kappa graduate of St. Louis' Washington University.

She met Paul Harvey while working as an on-air personality at a radio station in St. Louis. He was the station's special events commentator.

"It was love at first sight," DuMont said. "I've never met two people who were as madly in love as they were."

The couple married in 1940 and moved to Chicago in 1945.

Mrs. Harvey became her husband's producer shortly after their marriage, handling the behind-the-scenes responsibilities for the No. 1-rated "Paul Harvey News and Comment" show.

It was her idea in the late 1940s to air Harvey's news broadcasts at 10 p.m. -- now the standard time for evening news. She also developed Harvey's best-known feature, "The Rest of the Story."
Found her own success

While her focus was on nurturing her husband's career, Mrs. Harvey found success in her own right, as well.

For instance, she created a television program called "Dilemma" that became a prototype for today's talk-show genre. And she was one of the nation's first women to run an entire broadcast while working at a CBS affiliate.

In addition to her Hall of Fame honor, Mrs. Harvey was also the first recipient of a lifetime achievement award from the Chicago chapter of American Women in Radio and Television.

DuMont said Mrs. Harvey was a generous philanthropist whose death is "a devastating loss to the industry, to Paul Harvey and to people who love Paul Harvey."

Mrs. Harvey is also survived by her son, Paul Harvey Jr., another member of the Radio Hall of Fame.

The Darker and Brighter Sides of Medicine

The very fact that physicians are beginning to consider the triage of of the dead and dying in a pandemic is more than a little frightening. It acknowledges that the idea of a pandemic itself from SARS and other flu-type diseases has begun to enter the zeitgeist of the masses.

Curiously, the article fails to make any connection between a doomsday scenario where "'everybody will be thinking in the same way' when pandemic flu or another widespread health care disaster hits . . . to make sure that scarce resources — including ventilators, medicine and doctors and nurses — are used in a uniform, objective way" and the implications for the socialized medicine that the Democratic Candidates are advocating.

The Associated Press (via Yahoo News) brings us this glimpse of Doomsday:

"If a mass casualty critical care event were to occur tomorrow, many people with clinical conditions that are survivable under usual health care system conditions may have to forgo life-sustaining interventions owing to deficiencies in supply or staffing," the report states.

To prepare, hospitals should designate a triage team with the Godlike task of deciding who will and who won't get lifesaving care, the task force wrote. But the recommendations get much more specific, and include:

_People older than 85.

_Those with severe trauma, which could include critical injuries from car crashes and shootings.

_Severely burned patients older than 60.

_Those with severe mental impairment, which could include advanced Alzheimer's disease.

_Those with a severe chronic disease, such as advanced heart failure, lung disease or poorly controlled diabetes.

Public health law expert Lawrence Gostin of Georgetown University called the report an important initiative but also "a political minefield and a legal minefield." The recommendations would probably violate federal laws against age discrimination and disability discrimination, said Gostin, who was not on the task force.

If followed to a tee, such rules could exclude care for the poorest, most disadvantaged citizens who suffer disproportionately from chronic disease and disability, he said.

A "political and legal minefield???" How about Ethical? I'm struck by the similarity of this list to the list of those elegible for Concentration Camps under Nazi rule in WWII. "Mental Defectives?" Those who "present a drain of limited supplies?" I work at a Dialysis Clinic. In case of a pandemic, do we just shut down the dialysis clinics as "a drain of limited supplies" and let millions of people die?

And at what point do these rules kick into play?


At the polar opposite of this scale is Wal-Mart, who has decided to take it's much heralded program to bring inexpensive medications to the masses and expand it!

Wal-Mart Stores Inc., the world's largest retailer, announced Monday it would expand its discounted prescription drug program to offer 90-day supplies for $10 and add several women's medications at a discount. It also said it would lower the price of more than 1,000 over-the-counter drugs.

With the expansion, the company began filling prescriptions Monday for up to 350 generic medications at $10 for a 90-day supply at Wal-Mart, Neighborhood Market and Sam's Club pharmacies in the U.S. Almost all the prescription generics in the company's $4 program were included in the expanded $10 offer, said Wal-Mart senior vice president John Agwunobi.

In addition, the company will add several women's medications to its list of prescriptions available for $9, including drugs to treat breast cancer and hormone deficiency.

The difference here is that these "Pandemic Planners" are anticipating a worst-case scenario with apocalyptic implications. Wal-Mart, on the other hand, believes in the empowerment of the people with reasonably priced medications to do the right thing and take care of their own health.

Which appeals to you more?

(Take THAT, Wal-Mart haters!)

By the Way: If you want more information (such as a List of these inexpensive medications), CLICK HERE.

~~JD~~

Protesting High Gasoline Prices; 55 Miles At A Time

I'm a one-man protest march today.

The price of gasoline is really starting to get to me. When it costs $60.00 to fill up the car and you're starting to choose which bills to pay (and the gasoline cards come FIRST) you know it's starting to get bad.

So I had a little idea which, while it sounds counterproductive and old-fashioned, really makes a ton of sense.

I-just-drive-fifty-five. (With apologies to Sammy Hagar.)

If you're old enough you probably remember when 55 mph was the law of the land -- and nobody obeyed it. Consequently we raised a nation of scofflaws who drove whatever speed they felt like until Congress, seized by a sudden fit of sanity, re-instituted higher traffic speed limits.

So I've started driving 55 mph, for a couple of reasons:



*ONE, I save 20% or more on my mileage -- which is a LOT with $4.00/gallon of gas approaching swiftly, and . . .


*TWO, I'm reducing my emissions when I drive slower. It's green; It's environmental. Plus, . . .

*THREE, IT'S A PROTEST! You should see the line of cars build up behind me, and I mean QUICKLY.
Now, one guy on a crusade like this is a crackpot, of course. (Think "Don Quixote" here.) And whilst two might be a folie a deux, . . .

. . . Three's Company. And Four is a Movement. If those truckers in Washington REALLY want to get the attention of Congress, try slowing down to 55 mph and watch them squeal like stuck pigs.

Feel free to join me, won't you. It's a lot of fun, you're saving money; and you're making a point.

~~JD~~

Unauthorized Human Testing Department: Man Regrows Severed Finger

This story alternately horrifies and fascinates me. A scientist working for the Army on methods of stimulating tissue regeneration offers a highly experimental compound to his brother (who accidentally lost the tip of a finger in a model airplane accident) and has the fingertip regrow, according to the London Daily Mail:

The dust, actually a collagen powder derived from pigs' bladders, appeared to provide a suitable "matrix" or framework, stimulating regrowth of the tissues and division of the cells, to enable Mr Spievack's finger to grow back - in just a month.

And not just a stump - flesh, tendon, skin, fingernail, fingerprints and all.

It is an extraordinary story because, if it can be confirmed, it will point the way to a breakthrough in one of medical science's greatest problems: the inability of humans to regenerate lost tissue.

One organisation with a keen interest in tissue regeneration is the U.S. Army. Military researchers are reported to be working with University of Pittsburgh scientists who developed the pixie dust to find a way to allow injured soldiers to regrow lost fingers, skin, and even whole limbs.

With hundreds of U.S. soldiers coming home injured from Iraq every month, such an advance would be leapt upon by the Pentagon.

Dr Stephen Badylak of the University of Pittsburgh is the scientist who developed the pixie dust. It consists of a mixture of protein and connective tissue which is already used by surgeons to repair tendons.

The U.S. Army has invested millions of dollars in regenerative medicine, and Dr Badylak - and Mr Spievack's brother - could become very rich men.

The powder, he has said, "tells the body to start the process of tissue regrowth".

Odd that this didn't appear in an American paper. Hmmmmm . . . If it's true, it has amazing application for re-designing tissue growth process as we know it. Burn victims, especially, may be saved from a life of deformity and pain.

But I'd still like to know how an experimental compound NOT approved for human testing made it's way out of the lab and onto a hobbyists finger. I smell a security breach.

~~JD~~

Friday's Feast!

Feast One Hundred & Eighty Nine; May 2nd, 2008.

Appetizer: What was your favorite cartoon when you were a child?

Oh, the Warner Brothers stuff, undoubtedly. Bugs Bunny was easily the favorite, although Daffy Duck has a special place in my heart as well. Everything I know about Interpersonal Relations and Anger Management I learned from Bugs Bunny; which is scary when you really think about it.



Soup: Pretend you are about to get a new pet. Which animal would you pick, and what would you name it?

Very likely a cat; I already have four. Maybe a dog; dogs are pretty cool, too. I'd love to have a Jack Russel Terrier or a Chihuahua; maybe a Beagle. We used to name our cats after emperors and tyrants (Attila, Caligula, Nero, etc.); but lately they're all named after TV characters. Our four cats today re named Ethel, lucy, Otis, and Jeannie -- the do is named Samantha. (Extra points if you can name the 1960's TV references.)



Salad: On a scale of 1-10 with 10 being highest, how much do you enjoy getting all dressed up for a special occasion?

Considering that I own absolutely no dress shirts or suits of any kind, I'd say the square root of negative 1.



Main Course: What kind of music do you listen to while you drive?

Oldies sometimes; pop music was much more creative and inventive musically in the 50's and sixties. Gotta love Buddy Holly. Most of the time, though, it's Postive, Encouraging K-Love Christian. Light Years above anything musically being done today.



Dessert: When was the last time you bought a clock? And in which room did you put it?

Uhmmmmm . . . wow. You got me there. I think I bought the clock I put in the bathroom last. I needed it to curb me tendency to languish in the john in the morning and be late. That was two, maybe three years ago.

Friday's Feast is a weekly meme brought to us by Susie at http://www.fridaysfeast.com. People sign up for her email alerts and every Friday AM we go to her site to get the week’s questions.

~~JD~~

Tuesday Afternoon; 1.5 Miles

Huh! It's been exactly one year since I last posted one of these updates.

Fancy that.

Today was the first day I've been able to take my daily walks since I had the couch dropped on my leg during the move in January. I've been trying to take it easy and rest the leg and knee, and that's been going well to a certain extent. But at a certain point the couch cusions start to look a LOT like your backside, and boredom begins to set in. Plus I started to gain weight, which is Not Good. Plus my glucometer has been broken -- what, an ENTIRE MONTH???

Yeesh! Time to get organized here.

Mileage: 1.5 Miles
AM Glucose: Unknown
Weight Gain: 8 pounds

Blanco Road has these wonderful, wide medians that have been formed from tinted concrete that look like red bricks, and it seemed a perfect place to take our walk. (Samantha certainly seems to approve, anyway.)

we had to stop halfway -- Samantha was more tired than I was. But I didn't want to push it too fast, too soon, and make the knee worse than it was. Nevertheless, my thighs and ankles ached when we got home, which is a good sign I didn't atrophy too much.

Better yet, my knee felt better than when I started.

~~JD~~

"The buck slipped right past him"

Well, it appears one unanswered question from Hurricane Katrina is being answered finally: Why Did The Pumps Fail?

Because this idiot evacuated the Pump Operators!

La. parish president still facing lawsuits over Katrina
By MICHAEL KUNZELMAN, Associated Press Writer 1 hour, 44 minutes ago

METAIRIE, La. - On the eve of Hurricane Katrina, massive pumps that keep water out of this New Orleans suburb went silent when the roughly 100 workers who run them were allowed to flee under a "doomsday" evacuation plan. With the storm raging, backflow from levee breaks in New Orleans had nowhere to go, damaging thousands of homes, shopping malls and businesses between Lake Pontchartrain and the Mississippi River in Jefferson Parish.

For parish President Aaron Broussard, a populist Democrat who rose to power over three decades, the evacuation of the workers could be make-or-break politically and legally.

After the storm, parish residents along the lake's east bank dried out and scraped the muck from their middle class and upscale homes. Then they went to court against Broussard, with a judge recently refusing to dismiss him from lawsuits that hold him personally responsible.

At first, Broussard publicly accepted responsibility for the evacuation decision in August 2005. But about a month after the election, he swore under oath in lawsuit depositions that he didn't know of the doomsday evacuation plan before Katrina, saying he learned the pump operators had gone only after the fact. "He's changing his story to fit the legal situation," said Debbie Settoon, a civil engineer and president of the civic group Citizens for a Safer Jefferson.

In refusing to dismiss Broussard, state District Judge John Peytavin cited "unanswered" questions posed by storm victims' lawyers during a November deposition.

"Would you have agreed with that decision?" attorney Darleen Jacobs asked Broussard at that session.

"I don't know," he answered.

"Could you, as parish president, have vetoed the decision to remove the pump operators?" Jacobs asked.

"I don't know the answer to that," Broussard said.

Reading accounts of Broussard's sworn statements reminded Settoon of a placard in Broussard's office: "The Buck Stops Here." "The buck slipped right past him," she said.

~~JD~~

Friday's Feast!

Appetizer: Name something you would categorize as weird.

Pedophilia. That's TOO Weird -- those people need help -- or prison time.

Soup: What color was the last piece of food you ate?

It was a Subway Philly Beefsteak sandwich; so brown.

Salad: On a scale of 1-10 with 10 being highest, how much do you enjoy being alone?

About a 9. I grew up alone to a large extent, and learned to appreciate solitude.


Main Course: Fill in the blank: I will _________ vote for ___________ in _______.

I'm sorry, I don't understand the question. The only way I can make this work is to either reveal my vote, or disparage someone else's -- neither of which I want to do.

Dessert: Describe your sleeping habits.

T-shirt and old, ragged, sweat pants I got for Christmas 12 years ago. Almost always sleep on my right side and on my stomach. Can sleep through any amount of noise, temperature changes, lighting, or other distractions. Would sleep ten hours a day if I could spare the time; but usually get only 4-5 hours.


Friday's Feast is a weekly meme brought to us by Susie at http://www.fridaysfeast.com. People sign up for her email alerts and every Friday AM we go to her site to get the week’s questions.

~~JD~~

Tuesday Morning Sunshine Interlude

The Road Not Taken

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

Robert Frost (1874–1963)



A small Savannah; oak trees all.



A Sure sign spring is coming; the wildflowers are sprouting. I have no idea of the name of this little beauty I found in the savannah of oak trees, but it's a pretty little thing.



Single Oak, blue sky, weather fine.



Another sure sign spring is here; cats in the sun. This is Jeannie, as in Jeannie the Gray cat (a play on the X-Men character of similar name.) She's a Russian Blue, and we frequently put a Russian accented voice in her mouth. Imagine Dolph Lundgren in Rocky IV saying, "I will crush you."




~~JD~~

Friday's Feast!

Appetizer: Name a color you find soothing.

Considering half of my closet is some shade of blue, that must be it.

Soup : Using 20 or less words, describe your first driving experience.

4am, with my mom; old blue Chevy; parking lot only. (That's ten!)


Salad" What material is your favorite item of clothing made out of?

Cotton. Breathes well, stretches, feels great in the heat or the cold.

Main Course: Who is a great singer or musician who, if they were to come to your town for a concert, you would spend the night outside waiting for tickets to see?

I can't say I've ever seen the wisdom of worshipping pop culture idols, so I can't say I'd do that for anyone.


Dessert: What is the most frequent letter of the alphabet in your whole name (first, middle, maiden, last, etc.)?

It's a tie between "O" and "N". That must mean my favorite word is either "ON" or "NO". Make of THAT what you will.

~~JD~~

I'mFairly Sure Medicare Wouldn't Approve THIS Expense . . . .

. . . however, knowing how powerful the AARP lobby is in Washington, I wouldn't bet against this legislation. I'm just wondering if this constitutes a Consult; or Rehabilitation Services.

Or maybe an approved Home Health Service? (Hey, if Medicaid will pay for a housekeeper if you're disabled, can this be far behind?)

(Sigh) Well, one more reason for the Muslims to be angry with Denmark. From Bloomberg.com

Call Girls at Nursing Home Fuel Debate in Denmark
By Christian Wienberg; April 16 (Bloomberg)

When a male resident at Kildegaarden nursing home in Denmark made an indecent sexual proposal to a member of the staff, the home's director, Inger Marie Kristensen, told a nurse to telephone for a prostitute.

``There was a considerable change in his demeanor after the escort girl had paid him a visit,'' Kristensen said in an interview. (No, really???) Nurses arranged visits by call girls three times in the past three years.

While Welfare Minister Karen Jespersen says Denmark's 98 municipalities are free to let nurses call prostitutes, some lawmakers are stepping up efforts to pull women out of the profession, which has been legal in the country since 1999. ``I don't want to contribute to keeping this industry in business,'' said Mie Bergmann, an elected official with the Social-Liberal Party in Skanderborg, who led a failed vote to end prostitution at Kildegaarden. (Politicians don't like prostitutes; too much competition!)

In a poll posted last week on the Web site of national broadcaster DR, 46 percent of 1,982 readers said nursing home staff should be able to organize visits by prostitutes, 45 percent were against the practice and 8 percent were undecided. A margin of error wasn't given.

Denmark's Society for Women started a campaign in March called ``Take a Position, Man'' urging men to sign up at a Web site to protest against prostitution. (Really? What position? Missionary? Doggie-Style? Kama Sutra?)

The Copenhagen-based Danish Sex-worker Association was established last month in a bid to protect the industry. The leader, who gives her name only as Susanne on the association's Web site, said prostitutes ``often'' visit Danish elderly homes. `To forbid vulnerable customers from obtaining the services of a legal business is discriminating, both against the sex workers and the people who need help to get the services,'' Susanne said in an e-mailed response to questions. (Why did I not suspect the "Danish Sex Worker Association had a Website???)

Ouch. Ouch. Laughing too Hard. Ouch. Hee hee hee hee!!!

~~JD~~

Mahrer Screed Against Christianity; Christians Riot and Behead Mahrer **UPDATED**

Oh, I'm sorry -- wrong "religion of peace" there.

Okay, I'm not Catholic -- far from it. But being an American, I respect anyone's right to worship as they believe, and respect those of other faiths with great faith in their version of religion.

Bill Mahrer has made a career out of bashing religion, so his screed here against the Pope and religion generally is not too surprising. What's really surprising is that this crap is tolerated by so many Americans.

Why DOES he have a TV show at all?



As Bill O'Reilly noted last night:

Now, Mr. Maher has made a career out of bashing religion, so his monologue comes as no surprise. But can you imagine if Maher had castigated a Jewish or Muslim leader like that? Or if he had branded a minority group with that kind of description? The American media would slaughter him.

"Talking Points" has stated this before, but there is no better example than what you just heard. It is open season on Christians in America. You can demean and defame them all you want, and the media will laugh along with you. There's no disputing this.

As a practicing Catholic, Bill Maher's opinion doesn't bother me. I don't care that he hates religion. He has a right to that opinion, and he's up front about it.

But as with the Reverend Wright story, if you attack America or if you attack Christians, do not expect to be held to account, because the media will give you a complete pass. Media Matters, not a word about Maher. Instead that vile outfit has now branded me a homophobe in addition to being a racist. NBC News, not a word about Maher. Instead, they continue to lie down with Media Matters. CNN, The New York Times, The L.A. Times, silence.

The addresses to write if your object to this moron:

HBO's Consumer Affairs Department
212-512-1208
Monday through Friday from 9:00 AM until 5:00 PM Eastern Time.
E-Mail Link HERE

Friday's Feast!

Feast One Hundred & Seventy Nine (from February 15th, 2008, one that I missed -- no feast this week, "The Chef is Busy!")




Appetizer: Name one thing that is unique about you.



I can sleep on demand for prolonged periods. I've slept through construction, traffic, and a Scud raid in Saudi Arabia. I can also conversely stay awake for prolonged periods when I really want to. I attribute it all to being a Nurse.


Soup: Fill in the blank: My favorite _________ is __________ but I like _________ too.

My favorite food is lobster, but I like steak, too.
My favorite pets are cats, but I like dogs, too.
My favorite ice cream is mint chocolate chip, but I like vanilla, too.
My favorite TV show is "Battlestar Galactica", but I like "Flip That House" too.
My favorite time to sleep is an afternoon nap in the sun, but I like nighttime, too.

Salad: What type of wood do you have for your home’s furnishings?

Hey -- I live in Texas. Everything's Oak here. That's just the way it is.

Main Course: Who do you talk to most often on the phone?

Nobody. The only time I use the phone is to communicate with my wife or son, or to get work from my Nursing Agency. I can let a telephone ring for hours and never feel compelled to answer it.

Dessert: What level of responsibility do you have in your job?

I'm responsible for the care of 12 patients at a time, and the supervision of the three dialysis technicians who care for them. So, mid-level management with hands-on aspects.

~~JD~~

Welcome to the American Political System

~~JD~~

The Lesson For Today

An interesting e-mail I received this morning.

A man dies and goes to heaven. Of course, St. Peter meets him at the Pearly Gates.

St. Peter says, "Here's how it works. You need 100 points to make it into heaven. You tell me all the good things you've done, and I give you a certain number of points for each item, depending on how good it was. When you reach 100 points, you get in."

"Okay," the man says, "I was married to the same woman for 50 years and never cheated on her, even in my heart."

"That's wonderful," says St.Peter, "that's worth three points!"

"Three points?" he says. "Well, I attended church all my life and supported its ministry with my tithe and service."

"Terrific!" says St.Peter.? "That's certainly worth a point."

"One point!?!! I started a soup kitchen in my city and worked in a shelter for homeless veterans."

"Fantastic, that's good for two more points," he says.

"Two points!?!!? "Exasperated, the man cries. "At this rate the only way I'll get into heaven is by the grace of God."

"Bingo, 100 points!? Come on in!"

We often try to fix problems with WD-40 and duct tape. God did it with a nail.

Amen!

~~JD~~

Absolut-ly Nuts!

You may have heard about Absolut's campaign ads trying to curry favor with the La Raza and Reconquista crowd. They go like this:



However, thanks to Ace of Spades, we Texans have an appropriate response:



Hat Tip (And MUCH more information): Michelle Malkin

~~JD~~

Friday's Feast

Appetizer: Invent a new flower; give it a name and describe it.

How in the world anyone could ever improve on the Bluebonnet (the state flower of Texas), I don't know!


Soup: Name someone whom you think has a wonderful voice.

Speaking Voice; James Earl Jones. Singing Voice; Nichole Nordeman.

Salad: On a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being highest, how clean do you keep your car?

Five or six, maybe. I wash my car twice a year, whether it needs it or not. I vacuum it almost every week, and wash the windows frequently. "Too Clean" cars get stolen here in south Texas.

Main Course: How do you feel about poetry?

Not bad, how about you?

If you scroll down a post or two, you'll see one I "wrote" about Bozo the Clown; which is a scary thought.






Dessert: What was the last person/place/thing you took a picture of?

The sun setting over San Antonio. Here it is.

~~JD~~

The Love Song of Bozo T. Clown

I wrote this in July 2001 for the Gary Post-Tribune as a tribute to the long-running WGN-TV "Bozo the Clown" TV show. I based it on T.S. Eliot's work (obviously). The Post-Trib printed it whole, without editing, prompting their TV and Movie critic to e-mail me "you are my hero!"


The Love Song of Bozo T. Clown

(With Profound Apologies
to Mr. Eliot’s Estate . . . .)

LET us go then, you and I,
When our senility is spread out against the sky
With Bozo euthanized on WGN-TV;

Let us go, through certain web-surfed streets,
The message-board retreats
Of restless nights in sleepless e-hotels
Whilst in the background the music swells:
As they take up baton for the "Grand March" one last time
With their insidious programmers intent
To lead you to an overwhelming question...

Oh, do not ask, ' What is it? '
Just wait ten years to get your tickets.


In the room the children come and go
Talking of their friend, Bozo.

And indeed there was once upon a time
When vaudeville routines crept into TV
Rubbing their backs upon the TV-screens;
There was a time, there was a time
To prepare a clown face to meet the children that you meet;
There will be time to pratfall and create,
And time for silly works and clapping of hands
That lift and drop a cream pie on your plate;
And briskly rub it into your face,
And time yet for Cookie's indecisions,
And for Wizzo's visions and revisions,
And Oliver O. Oliver Kentucky visits,
And Sandy the Tramp, Rusty the Handyman, Cuddly-Dudley,
Professor Andy’ and Big-Top Bob’s musical improvisations,
Before the taking of a lollypop, an Archway cookie and tea.


In the room the adults come and go
Talking of their childhood friend, Bozo.

And indeed there will be time
To wonder, ' Do I care? ' and, ' Do I dare? '
Time to turn back and fall over a chair,
With a bald spot in the middle of my red yak hair--
(They will say: 'The original Boze was so much better!')
My big blue coat, my ruffled collar mounting firmly to my chin,
Without necktie, nor a simple pin--
(They will say: ' But how his lips and nose are red! ')

Do I dare . . . Throw a pie at the universe?
In a minute there is time
For decisions and revisions which a knock-knock joke will reverse.

For I have known them all already, known them all--
Have known the "Bozo's Circus," the "Bozo Show,"
And the "Super Sunday Show",
I have measured out my life with awful puns;
I know the voices groaning with a terrible joke
Beneath the music from a shrinking Big-Top Band.


So how should I continue?


And I have known the stuffed shirts; known them all--
MBA's with Arbitron studies and Market Share
(But in the klieg lights, downed with light brown hair!)
Is it cigar smoke perfume from the Prez of Tribune Corp
That makes my show such a bloody mess?
Arms that lie along a table, or sign the final check.
And should I then presume?
To know what children want to watch?

They shall I say, "We have been out-competed by Children's TV
And watched the ratings go down the pipes"
These lonely CPA's in shirt-sleeves, tossing out the Bozo Show?...

They avert their eyes, these ragged claws
Scuttling across the floors of cancellation seas.

No! Bozo was not Prince Hamlet, nor was meant to be;
Am an attendant lord, one that rules Chicago Kids' TV
We'll sing a song, tell a joke or two,
Throw a pie, and do some vaudeville, too.
Deferential, glad to be of use,
Impolitic, not cautious, and fancy-footloose;
Full of spoonerisms, but just a bit obtuse;
At times, indeed, almost ridiculous--
Almost, at times, the Fool.


I grow old...I grow old...
Bozo wears bell-bottomed trousers bold.


Shall I wear a red Yak wig? To wear "clown white" paint?
I shall wear blue bell-bottom trousers, and a red nose on my face.
I have the drum a'turning, to pick children for the "Grand Prize Game."


I do not think that they will pick me.


We have lingered in the chambers of the TV
By cartoon clowns wreathed with seaweed red and blue
Till Bozo's Circus is cancelled; and we cry, too.

(C) 2001 by J.D. Long, baby . . .