In The Spirit Of The Season

My mother's fruitcake recipe. I swear to God; I first found this recipe from my mother.

Fruit Cake Recipe

1 cup water
1 cup sugar
4 large eggs
2 cups dried fruit
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp salt
1 cup brown sugar
lemon juice (to taste)
1/2 pound walnuts
1 bottle whiskey

Sample the whiskey to check for quality. Take a large bowl. Check the whiskey again. To be sure it is the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer; beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again.

Make sure the whiskey is still okay. Cry another tup. Turn off the mixer. Who the hell left the mixer on? Break two leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Mix on the turner. If the dried frewt gets stuck in the beaterers pry it loose with a drewscriver.

Sample the whiskey for tonisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or somethin'. Who Cares? Check the whiskey. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon! Of sugar, or somethin'. Whatever you can find.

Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees. Don’t forgit to beat off the turner. Throw the bowl out the window. Check the whiskey again and go to bed.

Oooh, I'm gonna be sick.